| Blah... |
[11 Dec 2005|01:09am] |
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Well I'm still alive for what it is worth.. just almost never online.. have time every now and then.. *Shrugs* Alley and I are on uncertain grounds right now :( .. she moved to Clearwater to "find herself" I don't see the point and it doesn't make sense to me.. I don't know what to trust andymore so kinda just keeping my distance from everything.
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| Neglect @ a End |
[20 Oct 2005|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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Ok so maybe I have been neglecting a few things in my life recently.. mainly my friends.. and this I am sorry for.. My friends being one of those most important things in my life I have lost sight of that recently.. *Shrugs* I don't know why but i did.. Trying to change it. in about 7 months I will probably be going to clearwater to live .. Hopefully me and alley can get a place and afford for me to go to school.. then I might be content... Maybe.. But @ this point i honestly don't know what would.. I love people.. I Hold my frinends closest to my heart.. just alot going on and trying to get things sorted out so I beg you all to pls just hang in there with me.. Love You all..
Drake
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| The rumors of my demise have been exagerated... |
[11 Oct 2005|11:01am] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
YEs I am still around to the fortune of some and to the bane of others *Shrugs* Had alot of stuff going on and still do.. court on the 26th *Crosses Fingures* Hopefully the DNA turns out to not be mine and I can get on with my life.. but then I would worry for the poor little girl and hope she is for the fact that I wouldn't be a father that just runs off and has nothing to do with her... Wierd sort of situation.. *SHrugs* Anyway going to be trying to access my accont on KnightOnline.. if anybody else plays Join me there under character DrakeIrinMage.. Hopefully my account is still good *Crosses Fingures again* Take care everyone Hope to talk to you all soon.
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| All is well and good ... I think |
[12 Aug 2005|07:33pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
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music |
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Marilyn Manson - Cake and Sodomy |
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So I am sitting around and "Advancing in my job" They are getting me to become crew trainer .. now i will get to deal with all the stupid people that work with me trying to straighten them out.. *Shrugs* I might be moving to St. Pete .. that might be interesting.. maybe start over completly fresh and without anybody knowing me.. become solitary again and on my own.. Might be good for me though.. maybe .. The Necronomicon studies are still working out beautifuly.. everything I have done has opened my eyes to so much and even though I have adapted it to a modern age in places that are needed it still calls to me like a lighthouse from acrost a sea of vast emptiness that I had thought was a full relationship with my faith.. The doors that have opened are amazing and very frightening in the very same intsant.. but still.. sometimes I just don't know where exactly it is I am being pushed towards.. called to .. beaconed .. anyway still need a few more people to come with me and kinda suport my next step but I am sure everything would be ok if i don't have anybody... I guess that is all for now .. P.L.U.R.
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[09 Aug 2005|02:23pm] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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So Nothing much is going on .. Got a few new interesting friends.. one 17 the other 19.. (WTH is with the new kids being so young) anyway.. Going to be asking a few people to assist me in the next step of the necronomicon.. so if anybody wants to send there prayers or happens to live close enough and wants to join in let me know and I will be happy to make the propper prep.. Anyway This is about the limit of my time right now.. P.L.U.R. ..
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| Shocking for something so beautiful |
[05 Aug 2005|08:03am] |
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mood |
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I just don't know |
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So two days ago i called off work and thought the next couple days was going to be uneventful.. everything slipping my mind and nothing pressing happening except the current recruiter call to go back into the army... I go to sleep late that night around 5am and get awaken the very next day by my mother in a loud voice ... 'Dustin.. Jessica is in Labor you have to get up' So in a instant I am awakened from a good dream sat up and talked to ym mother about what was going on.. Jessica calls again saying the doctors have broken her water. I look to the clock it is 12 on the dot... So we get my sisters baby up and take her to her mother and we all go down to the hospital.. time is 2:15pm now and she is 5cm dialated.. "Shouldn't be much longer" Jessica is in and out of it not really aware of people that much... The people in the room .. My mother , jessica's mother and her cousin ... wtf .. anyway we begin to take a estimate as to when the baby will be born .. everyone thinking 6-7 hours from now.. I get a feeling it will be sooner .. around 4:30-4:45 .. Nurses in and out of the room checking baby.. checking Jessica.. Smoking almost a pack the entire time.. People call her cell phone call the hospital room.. damn people won't quit calling.. My sister in the waiting room with her baby.. my mother trying to be nice to Jessica's family.. i'm bitting my tongue to keep the peace.. the doctor finally comes in.. The Nurse checks her again.. 10cm's .. it is time for the baby.. 3:00pm.. god the time is getting close to what I said.. After alot ill will between me and her now this.. the pushing begins.. the pain gets to her she wants to quit.. everyone trying to encourage her.. first the head.. alien like in nature.. grey round and a head of hairone last push and the baby is fully out.. a baby girl and beautiful.. they sit her on jessica's stomach and I cut the cord.. I think " damn this is wierd as hell" Still slightly in shock @ the life born this day.. a bracelet attached to my wrist .. the to the baby.. and lastly the mother.. they remove the after birth from the baby and wrap her in a warm blanket handing her to me first while the finish on jessica.. she is so small and yet big for a baby.. 8lbs 6 oz .. 21 inches long and 13 1/4 head.. 13 3/4 chest.. A Life assumed to be mine as well and now that I look into my own past something I can't really deny.. I still want the test done.. just to make absolutly sure.. I pray she is so she might have a good father.. though with me going away i'm not sure... I hope I am wise enough to do the right thing.. I hope she has a good life even if she isn't mine.. blessed be this day a life is born into my life something i will never forget...
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| Wish me Luck? |
[28 Jul 2005|08:36pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
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music |
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Random background noise |
] |
Well tonight @ the witching hour is going to be my first test with the Necronomicon... I will be going threw alot so might not be updating for a while depending on what happens.. Any prayers that is offered is much appericiated (sp?).. I hate spell check (lmfao) Anyway have to go prepare might be back before I go though
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| Whatever |
[27 Jul 2005|04:53pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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M.C.R. -Helena |
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| S.S.D.D. |
[26 Jul 2005|04:23pm] |
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mood |
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indescribable |
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Nothign too exciting .. still studying the NEcronomicon.. Uber Uber depth to the book.. sometimes I ready the same paragraph just to make sure I have it down 3-4 times.. Don't want any mistakes.. 1/3rd the way threw it now.. Interesting right now the amount of info is in the book I hope to learn uber loads more then what I have and maybe put some of it into practical use
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| Writting when not online.. Pt2 |
[18 Jul 2005|05:34pm] |
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mood |
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 Whatever |
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I have lived my life.. I don't know if it has been a good life.. or if it has been a good life.. Yet this life is mine to do with it as I have pleased.. I know I have missed some opportunities and maybe it is for the better of my life.. maybe it has been for the worse.. *Shrugs* .. *Shout from nearby* You Have been a FOOL! .... I have?.. *Nods* Maybe I have.. For so very long I have been seen as just that.. a fool for maybe thinking I could make a difference.. a fool for maybe thinking of being happy or trying to have fun.. these are not things for this life.. Maybe the next will be better.. but I am not ready to go yet..
Then again.. Maybe I am a fool for not seeing the ways I ahve been blessed.. I know I do have alot in my life that I have been thankful for.. Like Carla *Sighs* .. How is it I can love somebody so much and never have meet the once.. I know I will probably never meet her face to face.. and yet.. She has always been the light in the shadow that has been my life.. I am thankful for that .. For Heather.. who though she doesn't know it got me to smile deep withing in some of my times of pain.. I am Thankful for my Mother.. God only knows what I would do without her Support .. She may not have agreed with everything I have done but she has always been there for me.. For Neicey .. For giving me a place when i had nowhere else to turn.. To Elvis.. for giving me insight within a relationship.. I see it from bothsides and I realise just how fucked they can be.. and yet so very..hmm.. Wierd .. For Elvis's Sister Heather.. Cuddle time still was fun despite the aftermath, For Making the beachfun again, and for giving me somebody to chill with when I was about out of my mind..For Thumper, Yoda, Trip, Krypto, Sparkie, Lil Bit, Kit, China, Blue Dragon, Stoney Smurff, Shroomers, Feebee.. and anybody else I Might have forgotten in the "P.K.M." .. I Love all of you for so many laughs, tears, thoughts and beers..
Thankful Even for the maniacle Bitch Katie that Heather introduced me to.. Proving that once again if a "Bitch" has a chance she will stab even her friends in the back.. I feel sorry for those people who call you friend and you have lied to so many times.. I am fortunate that I was never among those with that label.... Oh and b.t.w. .. It was wise and yet not for you to avert your eyes when you realised it was me.. stup[id bitch "Hope you Enjoyed the food" ;-) *ShakesHead* Now that was some funny shit..
I am thankful for Jessica even though I despise you with every bit of my being.. Against everything I still tried and it failed by in case that baby is mine *Though I highly doubt it* We should still be friendly.. I lived in a broken home all my life I do not want that for a child that is mine..
Anyway enough of me going on and on.. I need to get more junk done..
P.L.U.R.
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| Random Writtings when not online.... Pt 1? |
[18 Jul 2005|05:21pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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A Shadow looms.. where I can't see it.. I must find it.. It is in me? Fine then it helps my search.. Can this be? I have found it but I do not believe it.. That Shadow I have searched for it over my heart. Hidding my pain hidding my soul.. Hidding who I relly am for nobody to know.. I see it not in just myself.. I see it in you as well.. stirring creaping into your soul.. waiting to have a chance and take a firmer hold..
Now you have exposed yourself in allowing me to see your shadow their.. but you shadow only makes me see my own tht much more clear.. exposing the pain I wish wouldn't be.. Exposing to me a pain I wish wouldn't be.. exposing clawing scrapping .. scratching clawing at my eyes making me see as I close them tighter and tighter still.. All I wanted.. I really Needed.. damn the beast has gotten me.. Alone I fight this private little war.. alone to my grave i go... No .. I refuse i will not give in..
Now Passion is gone.. Cast out negelected. Forsaken even by those I thought I coudl trust.. The beast is ripping.. clawing scarpping .. bringing me down again.. Fighting fading . my essence, my spark is fadding .. everything is turning to dream.. what is real what is me.. these things no matter how i try I cannot see...
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| Character Created!!! |
[14 Jul 2005|09:19pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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Well Azure Of The Skies is MAde and I am back in Shim once again.. though I don't play like i used to if people want to join in the Family you are more then welcome for those that still play shimmy
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| Whatever |
[14 Jul 2005|08:14pm] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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I Came here today.. thinking of listening to some music and drinking some beer .. smoking some weed and maybe doing more writting.. well the weed has been smoked and the beer has long since been gone.. so now is the time for writting and I have nothing to say... So I guess I will just leave this one open for people to post what they think is there favorite Sayings.. pieces of literature and shit that they have actually taken to heart.. it doesn't matter if it is well know or not just post it.. make one up if you like.. then afterwards I might post some of mine if I feel more umm.. what is the word... fuck it.. if i feel more up to it.. P.L.U.R. Everyone
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| Things are just peachy |
[13 Jul 2005|01:39pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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| [ |
music |
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Something by Saliva ... |
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Now Since this is one of the few times I am online I do want to keep this short till tomorrow when i have the day off and can hopefully write what I have been down in my book here.. just a few things of Lit that I have been going over in my head.. I am aggrivated as fuck and depressed as hell but I will survive.. The 17th is my decision day.. prolly going back into the Army and don't have anything right now to convince me not to go.. I always have been a soldier @ heart and since my own personal battles seem to be a lost cause I might as well fight in another mans war right? Anyway got to bounce and hit up Messager write some E-Mails and chat for a bit.. update my Newgrounds account and shit.. hehe ... P.L.U.R. ... Take it easy everyone
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[01 Jul 2005|09:52am] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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Yeah so things have been pretty much a bust recently.. Going out of my mind with boredom and been throwing myself into work every chance I get.. until next time I get a chance I might talk about it more *Hugs( Love ya Carla .. P.L.U.R.
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[01 Jul 2005|09:51am] |
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mood |
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bored |
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This is something i want everyone to reply to.
I don't care who you are, or how often we talk, or even if we talk anymore.
Just reply if you give a fuck.
You can post anonymously if you must.
I want you to post one thing you like/love about me.
Then post one thing you absolutely hate about me.
And be honest
Then re-post in your journal if you want to see my honest answer.
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[25 Jun 2005|11:05pm] |
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mood |
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 I'm So Very High |
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So things have been interesting these past few days. I spent some time with Heather, seen 2 movies in 2 days (Star Wars III, Batman Begins). Both alright movies.. The First day was "BatMan Begins" Then just hung out @ her house.. around 11:30pm we decided to go swimming which was relaxing had some rather interesting convo as well. I tried to contact a few people.. Just found out My "Brother" is dead... Krypto and Thumper are both gone from Nc dissapeared and Kit is M.I.A. from a while ago.. haven't talked to her in forever.. so everything i was thinking to include those 3 is a bust... Which sucks.. I so wish that the things I try to do would quit falling apart... So overall I am stoned out of my mind and kinda depressed with everything going on... Anyway P.L.U.R Everyone I'm out of here
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[20 Jun 2005|04:16pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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Yay another paycheck .. 417 dollars this time and 200 of it for catching up cable bill.. Lmfao.. kinda been having some fun with life as of late.. been keeping occupied alot so gave up shim for the time being.. though i truely do miss Carla like a drowning man misses air.. she is above all else one of my greatest friends that I have ever had... I sort of miss Shim. .. Then again the mindless clicking was kinda getting to me so I had to take a break.. plus 2 characters of mine had been banned .. which sucks.. both over lvl 200.. lmfao... On a side note am looking for people to take some beans with me prolly getitng the entire thing sorted out or just might go to a club or something either Friday or Saturday... Guess I will just wait and see... That is about all I got for now .. P.L.U.R. .. I'm out of here
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d_magius's journal
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